Hi ,

If you are with an emotionally unavailable man or have a pattern of being attracted to EUM, the likelihood is you yourself are emotionally available.  And it's not so apparent especially if you haven't done your inner work.  I know it's true cause I was emotionally unavailable myself and married an EUM because I was on a rebound and wasn't ready to be deep in a relationship...and didn't know it.

Here's an email I received today from Sheila who herself has been an emotionally unavailable woman as she discovered after following me.

"Hi Katarina, it's a long one!

First off, I'll say that I'm really grateful that I found you. I've been single since 2010, even though I dated a lot during that time, I just kept leaving behind a string of failed attempts. Sometimes I broke hearts but mostly I ended up getting my heart broken. A lot. Finally, in April of this year, I came to the conclusion that I was doing something wrong - after all, the common denominator in all these failed relationships was ME. I kept choosing the same kind of men, and behaving in the same way over and over while expecting different results (the definition of insanity, right?)...

April was when I finally cut things off with an EUM I'd been on-and-off dating for two years, and it drove me into a very difficult but ultimately very positive episode of self-reflection and soul-searching. I finally realized that the reason I kept dating emotionally unavailable guys is because I'm emotionally unavailable...partly from reasons stemming back to my childhood, but more so from my first (very long) relationship. I've been carrying around the wounds from that and reenacting them for a very long time. 

Suddenly, I was reading every book I could get my hands on, from how to have a functional adult relationship to why people become emotionally unavailable in the first place, and how to undo those habits.

Very soon after this (literally only a few weeks) I met my current guy. He was definitely different than anyone I'd dated before - not emotionally unavailable, but still enough of a challenge that I didn't get bored like I usually do with overly attentive guys. We got very close very fast, and I was beside myself with bliss - everything was going to be smooth sailing from here, right?

Wrong.

After about two months, when the honeymoon period started to wear off a bit, I reverted back to my old ways without even realizing it. Being emotionally unavailable, for me, stems from a deep-seated fear that I'm unlovable. Deep down, I carry around this little seed of terror that I'm not good enough for anyone. And the wasn't just anyone - he's smart, successful, wickedly funny, and literally Abercrombie-and-Fitch-model gorgeous. The kind of guy that random women ask waiters to deliver their phone number to in restaurants (yes, that really happens to him). 

From the start, it almost seemed too good to be true that this guy was with ME. I was intimidated by how desirable he is. So when he started to need a little well-deserved man space, all my old insecurities and anxieties came roaring back to life. I didn't know how to deal with the pullback. Despite all the work I'd done and all the progress I'd made - the idea that I was a high value woman who was complete within herself still eluded me.

Long story short, he ended up cutting things off in the latter part of August. I was devastated. DEVASTATED. It was the hardest break-up I've ever gone through, which is strange because we were only together for a couple months, yet it was much harder than ending some of the years-long relationships I've had. I lost ten pounds in a week. I cried every day. Then I went on another, even deeper journey into myself. I read everything from "The Secret" to "How to Love Yourself". I bought probably every program there is on how to get your ex back. 

I was totally silent - disappeared from his life for 40 days while I worked on myself and tried to figure out what had gone wrong. During this time, I realized that I really have to approach relationships from a place of self-worth, instead of expecting the other person to somehow prove to me that I'm worthy of them. It was a big paradigm shift for me. Some of the "get your ex back" programs proved helpful - some didn't. I synthesized info from a lot of different sources and crafted my own approach. 

When I felt the time was right, I reinitiated contact and we have been dating again since the beginning of October, which is great because we've now been back "together" for longer than we dated the first time. I was still having a lot of trouble trusting things and letting go though - it was a constant struggle to keep myself at the center of the relationship instead of putting HIM on the pedestal (which is what I've always done before - how silly - that's where I belong)! There have definitely been some ups and downs and I have been learning every day.

When you republished your ebook a few weeks ago, I reread it and signed up for your online courses and the Facebook group. It's the only source for relationship advice I really use anymore. I've been wanting to post my experiences, but I almost didn't want to jinx it - suffice to say, since I've really put your theories into practice, I've seen a HUGE change in his behavior but also in my level of happiness. This has just been over the past 2-3 weeks or so but it's been amazing for me. Instead of feeling like all the power belongs on his side of the court, I feel like the pendulum has swung over to my side of the equation for the first time...ever. 

So what if he looks like a freaking movie star and has a genius-level IQ? I deserve that! Once I started leaning back and letting him initiate more, once I really worked at removing my expectations, we've gotten so much closer. I'm starting to feel so much more secure, no longer haunted by the fear that I'll lose him again. After all, if I did, it would be his loss. I am starting to really realize in my heart of hearts that I'm a catch, too!

I went to his house a couple nights ago and for the first time in as long as I can remember he was ALL over me. Every time I walked by he would grab me or pull me into his lap, or sit me down on the couch and tuck a blanket around me to make sure I wasn't cold. And this was in front of all his guy friends. I felt like such a princess. 

Right now we are dating exclusively, though I'm not his girlfriend and we have never said "I love you". Instead of gunning for that, though, and obsessing over why it hasn't happened yet (like I used to), I've started looking at those things as lovely, amazing experiences that we will get to share in the future - when the time is right. And if it's never right, then oh well! Dating him has taught me that there are still incredible single guys out there.

So - thank you so much. I'm so glad I found your site. I read it almost every day and I always find something to learn from. I'll keep you updated. Feel free to use my testimonial, if you like - all I'd ask is that you don't use my name. I am very private, which is why I haven't posted a whole lot on any of the forums or the group.

Have a blessed day."

What programs did Sheila get? The Holiday Package. Since some people have to wait for their finances to come through I extend this special till January 7.

Now let's back to the fact that you might be EU yourself.  I didn't see it with clarity until teaching the Journey Inward group coaching myself.  There was so much reflection and meditation in the program that I began to see my own patterns and really confronted my own "stuff."

Since my last experience with my EUM, and faced with the fact that a man was so ready to claim me meanwhile I wasn't ready to commit, I realized that the only way my relationship would ever work is when I fully committed to it.  No more one-foot-in and one-foot-out as I seemed to always gravitate toward since my first long-term relationship with my beta ex whom I was rebounding from (when I married my ex husband).

I faced my own demons and now I can proudly say I'm healed from my own emotional unavailability.  I am now actually attracted and in love with a guy who is so available and into me.

Yup.  If you are always turned off by available guys and always sway toward an elusive guy, it's time to face the hard cold reality that you are emotionally unavailable yourself.  My programs can help you uncover that part of you that is so buried in your subconscious.

Get these affordable programs before they truly expire on January 7 so you rediscover yourself the way Sheila and I did:

The Art of Magnetizing Men Mastery

Love,

Katarina