"Hi everyone. It's been a while since I last posted here. I used all that
quiet/alone time to reflect and heal and take care of things that needed to be taken care of. I still read posts here and there, just not saying anything. Hope everyone's doing okay.
First of all, I'm A LOT calmer than I was when I first joined the group. I distracted myself with anything and everything I could direct my attention to. I got curious about OKCupid so I joined in to meet new friends and expand my
network.
I met an Indian radiologic physicist who's doing residency at a cancer hospital. He's young, 8 years my junior. Not my type. And boy, hot-blooded. I absolutely refused to have anything happen with us.
There were others who left their numbers but I didn't text them and they didn't call me either. There was one older military dude who doesn't know whether to
pursue me or whatever. He just sends random good morning, have a nice day messages. And then there was another 30-year old man who really liked me but I just couldn't picture myself with anyone at least 5 years younger. He wanted us to go out on a date but I hesitated meeting anyone young again after the Indian physicist.
And then here comes M. He's 11 years older. A divorcé and has 2 little boys. For his age, he's gorgeous. As in
where has he been hiding all this time kind of gorgeous, hahaha! My kind of man too. Tall, Caucasian, fit, handsome.
We met in person on Dec 22 and had a picnic at the beach. We saw each other again on Christmas eve for a dinner date and got intimate. I kind of got worried at first but let it go and enjoyed the moment. He also took me to Maui for a lil New Year's R&R. He said as we continued seeing each other that he's ready
to be exclusive. We've been inseparable since. We're scheduled to go on another trip in May for a longer Memorial Day weekend.
I've never been called an amazing person but M does. He says he feels good when he's with me and that I'm his happy pill. He thinks I'm a balanced person and that I'm open and receptive. I laugh about it because ex-EUM thought and made it known to his circle that I was a psycho bitch.
I'm no longer as reactive to triggers like I used to be. That's why it was kind of amusing to me to hear M call me 'balanced', hahahaha!
M introduces me to his friends as his girlfriend. His two boys call me Auntie and both cling to me like saran wrap, especially the younger one.
I ran into ex-EUM once or twice. His
press release to our common friends was he wanted to say Hi to me but I just ignored him. After all that's happened between us, I just want to keep my life quiet, away from him, away from drama.
I work, I work out, go out with my friends or keep to myself when I'm not with him. M is happy that I take care of myself so he takes inspiration from that and tries to maintain the same. We had a lil misunderstanding a couple weeks ago
(maybe due to the retrograde?). I mirrored his actions and he bounced back. He didn't like me putting distance when he did so he reached out and told me he misses me. Win!
I'm enjoying my moments with him. I compliment him and he feels good about it. I still don't have expectations though. Not putting pressure on him. Just living in the moment.
While I
was doing Journey Inward, I was still in grieving mode. So the classes helped a lot to regain my ground. Then I made myself busy with my dance classes, crossfit and hiking. M just popped up from oblivion.
Before Journey Inward, I never knew I had abandonment issues. So when I was doing the meditations with you Katarina, I looked as far back as I could remember, from childhood to my marriage. All of my insecurities were from being treated
like I didn't exist and had no say on anything. So I was needy and clingy and lost myself in relationships one after the other. I was operating mostly on masculine energy because it was about survival (I was the breadwinner when I was still married). I had no clue how to be feminine, hahaha!
After Journey Inward, I learned to let go of wanting to control. I didn't need to anymore since I don't have anyone to support but myself. I literally force-learned how to be receptive again and get myself centered. I forgave everyone, myself included, for all of those unhealed wounds and the pain they inflicted on my person. With M, he leads and plans. I just go with the flow and proof of that is
M said out loud he feels really masculine in my company."
Read His Mind, Learn How
Less than two weeks later, she updated her situation with this:
"I got a
surprise from M this morning as we were getting ready to take the lil ones out...
He handed me a key to his apartment.
I kept it cool and casual (thankfully, I was putting on make up and didn't wanna mess up, hahaha!).
Then he jokingly asked if I am ready for such a big responsibility.
Hahaha!
I'm very happy Katarina. I was just floored about him handing me a key. He's mentioned it before but I wasn't expecting he'd do it. So until it happened, I didn't put too much thought into it. Then last Wednesday, he repeated that he thinks we have a good thing going for us. I'm just receiving what he offers instead of jumping the gun (like I probably used to do in my past relationships)."
Then 2 days ago she posted another update: