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Being mesmerizing isn’t about how you look.  It’s about the energy you radiate.  People respond to your energy.  And your energy is defined on what you hold in your mind.

If you always think in terms of how you fare compared to others, you will always find and feel lack within yourself and the energy you radiate will be self-doubts, insecurities and the chronic feeling of not being good enough.

And you will start projecting those things onto others seeking validation from externalities.  And your energy will be desperate, restless and needy.

You can be a 10 in the look department but people, especially men, will have a hard time connecting with you.

On the other hand, when you feel secure within yourself, you will project self-confidence and self-assuredness and the energy you radiate will be joy, groundedness, understanding and tolerance because whatever people say or do you know it’s not about you.  It’s a reflection of themselves.

You don’t need other people’s approval to be okay with yourself.  If some people don’t like you, you will just remove yourself from them.  You’re gravitated toward and attract people of the same level of vibrations as yours.

That’s the very basic of being mesmerizing: self-love.

Now to be mesmerizing to a man in a romantic context, there are five principles to abide here:

1. Stop getting ahead in your thinking.  Most women start getting ahead of themselves the minute they find a guy attractive.  They start fantasizing and clinging to an idea and expectations of him and the relationship with him instead of going with the flow and observing how he measures up and adjust accordingly.  This is a fatal mistake thousands of women who eventually find me make. They cling to the fantasy and idea of the guys that later becomes so hard to undo.

2.  Focus on your own happiness.  The minute a woman is hooked on a guy, she begins to revolve around him and forget to nurture herself.  She tries too hard to please him thinking by doing it she will become indispensable.  Wrong.  The more she does it, the more she invests emotionally and the more she expects reciprocation.  Their energy becomes pushy, anxious and smothering.  The entitlement pushes him away.

3.  Stop waiting around for him.  The more you are hooked on a guy, the more you have to spread your psychic energy or you’ll become a hot mess.  Fill your life with activities and interests that aren’t related to him.  And don’t stop talking and meeting new guys or seeing the guys you have been seeing casually.  Keep a solid rotation.

4. Stop treating a man as your priority when you’re only an option.  Many women insist on being a girlfriend to a guy who hasn’t claimed them so they shut down options and start expecting girlfriend treatments when clearly he’s not all the way in yet.  The pressure doesn’t help him fall for her so the cycle of neediness and him pulling away eventually leads to unrequited love.  Instead you have to mirror his interest and level of investment at all time.  You need to always be on the same page as he is.

5.  Reward his good behaviors, stand up for your deal breakers.  Most women focus on punishing bad behaviors by fixing, bringing the talk, nagging, confronting and telling him what to do.  You rarely get what you want with a guy with words.  The language a guy understands is rewards, actions and distance.  So instead of focusing on things he doesn’t do, thank him for the stuff he does that makes you happy no matter how miniscule or insignificant it is.  That’s how he will want to do more of the things that make you happy because he loves making you happy and men are hooked on a woman who is easy to please.  If what he does is something that is a deal breaker to you then you can stand up for that but you need to know the difference between deal breakers and expectations so you know how to pick your battles.