Hi ,
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone. We're ready for the festivities in our household and have two friends from LA spending the weekend and the Holiday with us. I was trying to find a proper Christmas outfit for Freckels but she is too big for most of them but she is the only one getting
the presents so she can't be too distraught about that. :)
Yup I understand why this day is so problematic for many of you. Gift or no gift? Will he get you a gift and if he does, will he include a card or how thoughtful will his gift be?
You can already feel a grief is coming....
Or maybe not, if only you didn't put yourself in this position. Every holiday. Every
year.
Why? Why is your self-worth so linked to what you get during Holidays?
Why can't you be happy for the fact that you have someone this Holiday while millions have to be reminded that they are alone and lonely every Holiday including this one?
Think about it.
I never found gift exchange a very practical/fun exercise so Joe and I only did it once on our first Christmas as a
couple and he quickly realized I could care less. I don't attach my self-worth to gifts.
But seriously even if you're single and alone, you don't have to feel alone (I know easier said than done, I've been where you are and it was a sad day). I'm sending my love to you all. Please add yourself
to my support group so you can commiserate with thousands of ladies who might also be away from their loved ones this Holiday season.
A lot of you put too much
focus on the guy than on yourself. You worry too much about what his actions or lack thereof mean to your desirability. It's a sure recipe to heartache. Every year especially around Valentine's, our groups are weeping chambers for women who are anticipating with trepidation what their guys would do (or if they would do anything) on that one day.
And many of you in your disillusionment often label a guy a narcissist. Yup, that label is
liberally thrown around in the dating scene these days, primarily by women.
No doubt, some guys are real narcissists. I know personally one person with a severe case of narcissism but do I think this is as commonplace as what is being propagated out there? No.
We all have narcissistic traits to a degree or another. In moderation it's called self-care and it's a good thing.
Yup most of you, as a matter of fact, are just guy chasers aka ball busters. Hence you landed on
my page/website. But because it's too painful to accept that you have a problem, it's so much easier to pathologize and shift the blame on him, isn't it?
In the thread one of the ladies, Ashleigh, wrote this: "So I was in a similar situation, total jackass guy I was head over heels for,
and he had some bad traits, probably an alcoholic etc. I went to counseling and I feel it helped a little BUT the problem with the counseling session is I spent all this time and money to talk about HIM. At one point I realized this, I was spending money and time on HIM. I never talked about myself or what I wanted.
I decided to go no contact and an amazing thing happened. I started doing things for MYSELF. I had this urge to reach out like every second, but you
know what I stuck to my guns and reached out to other people that supported ME.
If you go to counseling you have to talk about yourself because there's something in you that you feel you need this bullshit. Find YOURSELF. Talk about yourself, your hopes, and dreams and do NOT let it be surrounded by men. Talk about your goals when you move. Talk about what you're going to do for yourself, because right now you are wasting time and energy on someone that is an
ENERGY VAMPIRE. He is literally sucking the life out of you.
I went through hell but I am here to say it gets better. I listened to so many damn podcasts and cried about it, and felt sorry for myself, and that I was the victim. But everything changed with Kat's book, and youtube meditations, and I read the shit out of anything someone recommended in here. The best was called "codependent no more" or something. You are codependent. It doesn't matter what he is. Fix yourself and don't worry about others problems. You can't fix anyone else except your damn self."
If you feel your guy is a
narcissist, maybe it's you who needs to embrace more of self-care or admit that you actually care abut yourself just as much if not more than he cares about himself (hence you accuse him of being narcissist because your narcissistic side isn't being pandered by him).
Focus on you and embrace the fact that people will care about themselves more before they can care about others, stop expecting otherwise and release yourself from similar expectations. Trust me
the minute you shift yourself internally like that you will no longer see that many narcissistic guys.
Food for thought, isn't it?
So if you always want to study my teachings deeper, it's time to do so so you can be reborn January 1, 2018 with a new brain, a new pair of glasses and a new more balanced way of seeing the world...vision 20/20.
